Fresh Spam

Unemployment Blues

2012-01-24T21:26:00.002-07:00

Workopolis isn't spam by definition, but when you get a bunch of their headers together it certainly starts feeling like it. I can always count on a depressing headline when the sender is Workopolis; too bad I didn't save the one that suggested wearing skirts at work was a good career move for women.

Make her a happy camper

2012-01-01T19:59:00.000-07:00

Boobs as big as balloons

2011-12-22T17:44:00.001-07:00

Let your third hand stand

2011-12-07T12:04:00.000-07:00

The greatest shags of all

2011-11-15T13:14:00.001-07:00

owl wept

2011-10-29T23:58:00.002-06:00

See your organ increase right before your eyes

2011-10-26T17:53:00.000-06:00

She will surely pounce on you

2011-10-21T16:22:00.000-06:00

rodent groan

2010-09-12T22:48:00.004-06:00

More little paintings live here:

them in coffee

2010-08-30T16:59:00.002-06:00

uygj7oy

2010-08-20T13:36:00.000-06:00

Mitochondrial Freight Train

2009-11-27T12:21:00.006-07:00

More Tales from The Moleskine on Flickr

Snezhana waits your answer

2009-10-20T22:39:00.000-06:00

a pretty-pretty fly

2008-10-26T22:41:00.002-06:00

dilyporp

2008-10-23T18:22:00.002-06:00

Re: worry my joke frighten

2008-10-21T22:58:00.002-06:00

I never was much of a Tweety fan.

my name Raina i girl

2008-10-20T22:56:00.001-06:00

Tiny spam from a small leatherbound book.

Here are more paintings: Electric Koala, Bug and Ghost

I am not spam!

2008-08-18T22:48:00.001-06:00

And here is proof!

Disciplinarian Custodian

2008-06-16T08:27:00.002-06:00

Spam wants to teach me German!

2008-05-25T12:31:00.002-06:00

Unseemly carpet tack

2008-05-20T21:34:00.003-06:00

A bit of donated spam from a guy I work with. Thanks, Pierre!

Enhance your wicked reputation

2008-05-04T19:25:00.003-06:00

Fun with novercaphobia.

Spam wants to sell me Canadian drugs

2008-05-03T11:11:00.003-06:00

What spam doesn't know is that I can buy Canadian drugs any time I want to. Canadian drugs are 4 blocks from my house. Silly spam!

welcome the great things

2008-04-17T21:51:00.003-06:00

My last spam for Fast Forward.

Want to pass an unforgettable night?

2008-04-10T21:12:00.001-06:00

Britney showed it again!

2008-04-05T15:13:00.002-06:00

your insatiable chick will be full of pleasure!

2008-04-05T15:12:00.002-06:00

Huge rod is what all girls dream about!

2008-03-26T21:24:00.001-06:00

musk banshee sinusoid

2008-03-13T23:52:00.001-06:00

After that it's only fun and winning

2008-03-07T18:45:00.003-07:00

Be a dream of all women in year 2008!

2008-02-28T22:52:00.004-07:00

You won't need to furtively put socks into your trunks anymore!

2008-02-23T12:21:00.001-07:00

That's a light schedule.

2008-02-18T16:09:00.002-07:00

Don't miss it out! Grow a monster in your pants for New Year!

2008-02-07T23:20:00.001-07:00

Is this Is?

2008-02-02T10:36:00.001-07:00

The local free weekly sends me their spam and I do terrible things to it; here's the first installation in a 10 week series.
(Thanks, Fast Forward!)

ink on moleskine

Spam One Liners

2007-10-31T19:33:00.001-06:00

Fun with hand-drawn type (and spam!) by
Linzie Hunter.

via Drawn!

Spam wants my timeshare

2007-09-08T19:14:00.001-06:00

Lately, quite a lot. Especially today for some reason.

The long-whiskered owlet, one of the world's smallest owls, was discovered in 1976

2007-09-03T11:19:00.001-06:00

I'd never heard of the long-whiskered owlet, so when this spam header showed up in my inbox I did some research. It's a tiny owl that lives only in Peruvian cloud forests and so little is known about it that its genus name means "strange owl".

Here's another strange thing: the spam header came straight from an AP news source. What further riches await my spam folder, gleaned from science headlines?

alone you must surely perish unless the gods make you invisible

2007-07-07T18:26:00.001-06:00

This header made me think of the old question: "Would you rather be invisible or be able to fly?"
Me, I'd rather fly. Invisibility sounds cool at first, but a lot of carnivores rely more on scent than sight, so it wouldn't help you much in a tiger situation. Also, would your food become invisible as you ate it, or would there be a constant disgusting exhibit of ongoing digestion, pretty much negating that whole "you can't see me" thing?

another spam donation from Elise!

Spamland #3

2007-05-25T09:11:00.000-06:00

New spammy goodness from the Brothers McLeod!

squid bodice rippers behind 8282

2007-05-19T19:51:00.000-06:00

Another tasty potboiler from bestselling author Cepha Lopöd, who brought you romance classics The Throbbing Tentacles and Passion of the Ink Cloud.
(big thanks to Tom Bagley for the book title!)

Spam Romance Novel

2007-05-18T22:58:00.002-06:00

Here is the spam romance novel, which reads like an outline for a Barbara Cartland paperback. It's got everything!

A catchy title
An exciting and exotic setting
A sensitive hero, an innocent heroine
Conflict and misunderstanding
Obsessive rehashing of the past to explain a confused present
A resolution scene where all is explained
and the payoff: badly written euphemistic sex!

Firefly eventually

2007-05-05T23:04:00.000-06:00

Firefly larvae start out their lives chomping on escargot, and then evolve into glamorous flying creatures who manufacture an enzyme called luciferase, which is all glowy and also can be used to tell if cows are sick.
Which is great comfort to the snails, I'm sure.

Spam wants to buy me a refreshing non-alcoholic beverage

2007-04-28T18:12:00.001-06:00

Can't stand sex all night long?

2007-04-24T23:30:00.000-06:00

add snorkel

2007-04-18T12:59:00.000-06:00

Guest Spammer Rod Filbrandt contributes this gem to the cause.
Check out his blog Chowderhead Bazoo for more snarky goodness!

Spam is trying to tell me something

2007-04-04T22:19:00.001-06:00

It seems important, too.
I'll be taking off a couple of weeks here to go on vacation, but I'll be back mid April so check back then for more delicious spam!
Also, prints of some spam is now available (see button at top right); I'll add in more when I get back.

Let's Get Frisky

2007-04-01T17:57:00.000-06:00

Poor Frisky. He's a squirrel with a problem, a compulsive communicator. He articulates, babbles, blabs, chats, chatters, describes, divulges, drones, gabs, gossips, informs, intones, palavers, persuades, prates, prattles, reveals, rhapsodizes, runs on, spouts off, tells, utters, verbalizes, voices and yakety yaks every waking moment. Something must be done.

Teat Frugal

2007-03-26T22:02:00.000-06:00

I imagine babysitting the founders of Rome would be a chore at times, even for a she-wolf.

Spam Weather Report

2007-03-22T19:23:00.001-06:00

ye shall come to my voice; of unicorns. Therefore, shall be

2007-03-17T17:53:00.001-06:00

More donated spam! Many thanks to Elise; it's a lucky person indeed who gets unicorn spam.
This illustration inspired by John R. Neill's drawings in "Ojo in Oz" and Easter Chickens With Human Hands.

Want to be a hero in bed?

2007-03-13T17:33:00.000-06:00

I borrowed my stepkid's toys to get this one right. I haven't shown him this image yet though cuz he'd be demanding a "J" shirt, sure enough. And a jackalope toy as well.
Plug alert: The book on the corner of the bed is A Rattle of Bones, by yours truly.

That Resiny No Mollycoddle

2007-03-04T22:32:00.000-07:00

Inspired by this article.

Happy Spam

2007-03-04T22:18:00.001-07:00

Sometimes a little mood-lifter is as close as your spam folder.

Path Pussycat

2007-02-26T15:47:00.001-07:00

It all started with Im in ur base killin ur d00ds (explained here and here); now everyone's doing it. There's even a fantastic collection of examples on Flickr. Warning: swallow all liquids now. I'm not paying for your new keyboard.

Cloven Chimera Buyers

2007-02-18T21:42:00.001-07:00

Here's my first piece of donated spam, from a girl who uses spam headers as her art blog titles; check out Waiting for the Muse.

When I was researching this one I found out there are several types of chimeras. There's the monster of mythology of course, but there is also the virus, the fossil, the plant, and then there's the genetic chimera. I've put a sheep/goat chimera at the bottom of the picture (not to be confused with a hybrid), but whatever you do, don't call it a "geep". You'll make one scientist very angry...and you do not want that.

Firsthand Roadkill

2007-02-14T18:38:00.000-07:00

Apologies for uploading this a bit late; I had to work my soul-sucking day job yesterday and couldn't paint spam!
Happy Valentine's Day, everyone!

Spam valentines

2007-02-11T14:59:00.002-07:00

Love is in the air, even for spammers. These have all recently shown up in my in box, true spam valentines.

For some really weird vintage valentines, go here.

Spam in Tampa

2007-02-06T20:24:00.001-07:00

A Fresh Spam plug appeared in the Tampa Tribune yesterday!

(thanks, Jeff!)

Secretly Perceptible DNA

2007-02-04T20:38:00.000-07:00

The mimic octopus is a fascinating animal, able to take on the coloration, shape, and movement characteristics of many other creatures. Discovered only recently, one wonders what forms this clever shape shifter has taken on that scientists haven't figured out yet.

No Subject

2007-01-30T17:15:00.001-07:00

This is what most of my spam looks like. They've already done this one over on Spamusement, so check it out. Spamusement is delicious!

By the way, many thanks for all the wonderful donated spam I'm getting! You guys rule. I'm working on some new paintings right now!

Blatant Leg Avoid

2007-01-27T17:14:00.000-07:00

This little french bulldog is suffering from genuphobia (fear of knees); or perhaps it is sinistrophobia (fear of objects at the left side of the body) that is the problem.
For more phobias, click here. Unless, of course, you have a case of sophophobia (fear of learning).

A silver wire is enclosed in the glass

2007-01-23T21:30:00.000-07:00

This header got me thinking of a crow named Betty, who makes tools out of wire and astounds behavioral researchers.
Since it's only about 3 weeks till February 14, I thought it would be ok to make Betty a valentine.

Nowiswowisnow

2007-01-23T15:44:00.001-07:00

See, now they're not even trying with these headers. No one is going to open email from ÀÃ¶®’@, honestly. Try again.

Grade: D-

Spam, Sperm and Suits

2007-01-22T09:53:00.000-07:00

Look! I'm up there with the sperm cube guy!

Wait...that's good, right?

Flowerpot Bravado

2007-01-21T23:14:00.001-07:00

Spam at War

2007-01-21T17:41:00.001-07:00

I like to save time when it comes to keeping up with the news of the day, so I just read spam headers. They're often-conflicting accounts of What's Going On...just like the real news!

Face-Saving Planet

2007-01-17T19:45:00.000-07:00

Or maybe it's "Enabling Planet"; it's the place where celebrities go to be reassured that the stuff they're doing is ok instead of weird, freaky or just plain depressing.

I have a feeling we may be revisiting this planet in the near future.

Monarch Sauteed

2007-01-13T18:18:00.000-07:00

Over on the Seven Deadly Sinners there is a discussion of cartoon cliche chefs and ghastly food in general, so I thought I'd add this charming fellow to the mix.

Nitrogen Deaconess

2007-01-07T21:41:00.000-07:00

Oxygen may get all the glory, but Nitrogen makes up over 75% of the Earth's atmosphere.
Here is the Nitrogen Deaconess, who watches over all the little blue molecules so lonely in the cosmos.

Knickers Hourglass from Biddy Vaughan

2007-01-07T14:58:00.000-07:00

The source for some upcoming illustrations (and several that are already finished). Do you think it's cheating if I combine titles? I never mix and match, and it's always in the same order they come in, although I do cheat and delete the boring headers.

Modestine Wisecup and the Lobster Milkshake

2007-01-07T00:48:00.000-07:00

What looks like the definitive list of crazy names from spam senders, and it's growing by the day.

Unevenly Albino

2007-01-06T20:32:00.000-07:00

Part of the 700 Bunnies Flickr Pool!

Fastener Zoo

2007-01-06T20:30:00.000-07:00

Eyebrow Grocery Store

2007-01-06T20:27:00.000-07:00

This one feels kind of New Yorker-ish. I think Charles Addams was whispering in my ear.

Evangelical Blackbird

2007-01-06T20:21:00.000-07:00

Farewell Transcendence Landlord Leaf Sung

2007-01-06T20:10:00.000-07:00

First in a series of paintings inspired by spam.

Watercolor on paper

Pius Hendrix and the discipline cougar

2007-01-06T18:45:00.000-07:00

Some great spam names and headers that have showed up in my inbox recently. I'm pretty sure I don't want any "rectum tumult", and Kim Cattrall is the patron saint of discipline cougars...the other words must be pondered. Over a glass of cheap red wine. Or maybe several.

More spam, while I figure out if Blogger is as good as Typepad.